What if the world was known, our names real, and our destinies learnt, should we continue upon this road like it belonged to us, or should we make our path smoother than the one that had been given to us? What if I could choose you, or you could choose me, would you still want to, or would you choose to be apart and find your own way? Or would you want to remain with a one as obtuse as I? What if that time is now, what would it be, where would you go, who would you choose to be...I know where I would choose to be, and who would want to be...somewhere far from where I seem to be….
April showers as they call it.
By the first day of the month I knew I was going to have a bad month, either somebody or something would anger me. I knew that time would happen, and it surely came, only it came earlier than I anticipated, quite early in the month. I became immediately apprehensive about the new month, maybe cos’ my birthday was only 2 months away or maybe cos’ I was having the ever present financial problem, needing loads of money to enroll in my Master’s program in a foreign College of my choice. Need less to say, it is no small change. To top it off, my best friend left the country to pursue her masters tuition fees elsewhere so Aphie was left alone, once again.
It led me to ask deep troubling questions, about everything I had ever known, or believed in: doubting my allegiance to Keanu Reeves, doubting my friends, doubting my capability in various other things not art related, and worse off doubting my religion. Are we all supposed to be happy in this world? Are some of us meant to sit and watch while life sails by us? Why has the Lord blessed some of us immensely while some of us still want some basic pleasures, e.g. tuition fees for my Masters as was my case.
Why wasn’t I gifted, multi-talented? How come no one visited my Website and offered me that publishing deal all writers covet? Why was I able to draw a pattern of my life in a straight parallel line…no fizzles, no drawings, no bright colors except for a harsh black, and no peak point?
Sometimes, when you lend
a listening ear to people they mistake that for stupidity, they think you
are stupid, and turn you into a foot rug for their insults to fall upon.
This was the case this month.
Being a sad month I shall
spare you my ramblings so that it won’t sadden you any further, but it
was as grim and dark as the sordid thoughts of any average frustrated young
lady.
My family decided to take a small vacation to Chattanooga, and it helped put some life into my dampened spirits. However, I returned to face the same problems I had left behind escalated even further.
It wasn't really a hideaway
cos we went with the kids, but it was mainly a female affair...4 women,
driving and singing along to Nsync and BSB on our long drive there.
We went to a small town
in Tennessee called Chattanooga...I think it is a holiday resort of some
kind because there were so many people vacationing there for the weekend
as well; all the rooms in our hotel were fully booked with families no
less. (like that is what I want to run into on vacation)
They had a deep-sea aquarium
there, which is a major tourist attraction with all sorts of rare fish
and snakes, yikes! An Imax theater which only caters to aquarium
inspired shows, and then an old bookstore which I really liked cos I saw
books that had been declared extinct...e.g. one of my favorite authors
Agatha Christie.
Sadly, there were no single lads vacationing, there were only families and kids everywhere, no luck for us single ones. Worse off, they didn't serve alcohol anywhere...that was one of the all time low points for me, but apart from that everything went well, I think? I was just glad to get away. The weather was fantastic it was 80 degrees, and then everybody used that opportunity to go skimpy...yay! In addition, that gave me an opportunity to realize how much weight I'd gained under the baggy winter clothes...NO YAY! what happens when summer is here?!!
I had fun, but I lacked good sleep (my niece couldn't adapt to the new environment so we had to stay up with her all night) and then the alcohol withdrawal thing. Tsk, tsk, tsk. But it was fun, and refreshing and a bonding experience for the kids and their mommy (she got to notice her kids sing Limp Bizkit and Nelly with their bad influence of an auntie) that’s really what she wanted since she's always at work, so all's well that ends well.
Easter only made things worse than they already were. I didn't leave the house, I just sat by my computer, punching some keys to a story I had grown fond of writing...Teenage Groupie. I am not one of those overly traditional ones who falls for Easter eggs under the tree, and Santa, have to be with your family at Xmas, and all the niceties that come with any celebration. I am too modernly fashioned, of the Matrix, two dimensional black and white kind...are we going out to dinner, are we going to see some friends, are we going to the club, if we are not then I see no reason why I should be bothered to chase after Easter eggs, or hide them, , or bother to make them in the first place, or set up Santa's plate by the chimney...sue me, maybe I was dropped as a child, but my emotional status fails me when it come to those sort of things. Perhaps, it comes from a study of a degree as rigid as Law is, or maybe it started from one too many Valentine's spent alone...I don't know. Therefore, I stayed home, and watched "Quiz Show" on Cable, writing in my journal later on in the day and sipping a shot or two of alcohol to get by the day in peace.
The month still had some
unwanted surprises, more like shocking details, but I shall comment not
on those...I have to keep some things private. I just pray that God remembers
me when He in HIs infinite wisdom decides to grant random blessings on His people...remember Aphie,
God, remember her...join me to ask him to do this, unless I might be walking
this same road again, next year, God forbid.
Movies I saw:
I suggest you read fuller
reviews from My Entertainment page, listed below are just sketches...
Movies I refused to
see:
Spy Kids...as long as I
am still above the 18 rated limit, I dont see any reason why I should watch
PG-13 movies or lower, sue me, that is my mind's frame.
Stories I wrote: