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| - It's only funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious! |
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| - Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms. |
| - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. |
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| - If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax? |
| - Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think hard before starting a war. |
| - To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. |
| - Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. |
| - It takes twenty years or more of peace to make a man; it takes only twenty seconds of war to destroy him. |
| - And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years. |
| - If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. |
| - A friend is, as it were, a second self. |
| - Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief. |
| - Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off. |
| - Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see their Air Force. |
| - A lottery ticket is tax for a person who is bad at math. |
| - Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? |
| - A friend to all is a friend to none. |
| - Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster. |
| - Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. |
| - To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming. |
| - A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. |
| - The mob has many heads but no brains. |
| - Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them. |
| - Where's there's a will, I want to be in it. |
| - Honk if you hate noise pollution.If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt. |
| - Flattery makes friends and truth makes enemies. |
| - Life without a friend is death without a witness. |
| - Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible. |
| - If a man deceives me once, shame on him; if he deceives me twice, shame on me. |
| - Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due. |
| - IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. |
| - Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. |
| - Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best. |
| - There is hope from the sea, but none from the grave. |
| - If your buttocks burn, you know you have done wrong. |