If anyone reading this page answers yes to any of the following questions, or refers to similar actions or feelings in conversations, they are abused.
Physical Abuse
Has your partner done any of these things to you?
pushed or shoved you
held you to keep you from leaving
slapped or bitten you
kicked or choked you
hit or punched you
thrown objects at you
locked you out of the house
abandoned you in dangerous places
refused you help when you were sick, injured or pregnant
subjected you to reckless driving
forced you off the road or kept you from driving
raped you
threatened or hurt you with a weapon
Sexual Abuse
Has your partner:
been jealous, angry, assuming you would have sex with any available person
treated you as a sex object
insisted you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted
minimized your feelings about sex
criticized you sexually
insisted on unwanted and uncomfortable touching
withheld sex and affection
called you sexual names like "whore" and "frigid"
forced you to strip when you didn't want to
publicly showed sexual interest in other people
forced sex with him/her or others or forced you to watch others
forced particular unwanted sexual acts
forced sex when you were sick or it was a danger to your health
forced sex for the purposes of hurting you with objects or weapons
committed sadistic sexual acts
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse is harder than sexual or physical abuse to define. The following is just a guide. How often has your partner done any of the following?
ignored your feelings
ridiculed or insulted you as a group
ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, heritage or class
withheld approval, appreciation or affection as punishment
continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you
insulted or drove away your friends and family
humiliated you in private or public
refused to socialize with you
kept you from working, controlled your money, made all the decisions
refused to work or share the money
took car keys or money
regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave
threatened to hurt you or your family
punished or deprived the children when he was angry at you
threatened to kidnap the children if you left him/her
told you about his/her affairs
harassed you about affairs he/she imagined you were having
manipulated you with lies and contradictions
Questions about a person's state of mind or attitude:
Have you often doubted your judgment or wondered if you were crazy?
Are you often afraid of your partner and did you express your opinion less and less freely?
Do you spend lots of time watching for his bad and not so bad moods?
Do you ask permission to spend money, take classes or socialize with friends or family?
Have you lost confidence in your abilities, become increasingly depressed and feel trapped and powerless?
Warning List
This list identifies a series of behaviors typically demonstrated by batterers and abusive people. This list can help you recognize if you or someone you know is in a violent relationship.
Emotional and Economic Attacks
Destructive Criticism/Verbal Abuse: Name-calling, mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures.
Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decisions through "guilt-tripping" and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do.
Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"); telling you what to do; making big decisions; using "logic."
Disrespect: Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad things about your friends or family.
Abusing Trust: Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous.
Breaking Promises: Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with child care or housework.
Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights or opinions.
Minimizing, Denying & Blaming: Making light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it.
Economic Control: Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or taking your money; taking your care keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies.
Self Destructive Behavior: Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g. telling off the boss)
Isolation: Preventing or making if difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go.
Harassment: Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked.
Acts of Violence
Intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out shouting you; driving recklessly.
Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others.
Sexual Violence: Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.
Physical Violence: Being violent to you, your children household pets or others; Slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; burning; stabbing; shouts; etc.
Weapons: Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you; threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love.
We haven't devoted much to how Domestic Violence effects the children in these homes. Here's some facts on characteristic behaviors of children who experience family violence.
Role Reversal: Often an older child is forced to accept responsibility for care of younger siblings and of the household due to the parent's inability to fulfill these functions. This child may never have had the opportunity to participate in normal childhood activites.
Aggressive Behavior: Some of these children may act in an aggressive manner at home and in school, toward other siblings, children, animals and adults. This behavior may also include destruction of property and/ or theft.
Violence Towards Parents: When these children become adolescents or adults they may turn on their parents.
Running Away: These children may run away perceiving this as their only alternative for escaping an unbearable home situation.
Truancy: These children often fail to attend school. They may believe that if they stay home their presence will keep the fighting under control, or that peers will recognize their physical and emotional deprivation and sexual abuse.
Shy, Withdrawn Behavior: These children may not interact with others. As this behavior seldom attracts attention, these children may not be identified as troubled.
Substance Abuse: Older children from violent families may engage in excessive use of alcohol or drugs. This behavior is often modeled after the parents' behavior, and is perceived as a psychological escape from their problems.
Abusive Behavior: When these children become adults, they may abuse their own children and/or spouse.
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