Subtle Like a Brick to the Head

"Take me to dinner!"

Daniel glared at Vala's butt, which had suddenly appeared in the center of his notebook. "I told you already. I have work to do." He tugged on the paper, but it remained stubbornly stuck under her ass. "Do you mind?"

She ignored him and leaned back, kicking her feet and grabbing the edge of the desk. "Colonel Mitchell tells me that this is Val-en-tiney's Day, a celebration of love that usually results in dinner, choc-lut, flowers, kissing, and my very favorite hobby, se-"

"No!" Daniel yelled, giving up on retrieving his notes. He turned to his computer and began typing gibberish in the futile hope that she would go away.

No such luck. A slender arm snaked around his waist and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Daniel..." she purred.

"I am not sleeping with you," he insisted. "We're bound together by those stupid kor'mak, but they are not marriage bracelets."

"Aww." Without turning, he could hear her pouting. She pressed her lips to his neck and mumbled, "Not even a quickie?"

Daniel closed his eyes and silently recited the Arabic alphabet. Then he added in the Russian alphabet for good measure. "No. We aren't even dating."

"We could be!" Vala suggested cheerily, sliding her hand up his chest.

"I wonder what deity I pissed off this time," he wondered out loud, rolling his eyes. He removed her hand from his left nipple and stood. "I'd love to hang around, but I... uh..." He thought furiously for an excuse and said the first thing that came to mind. "I told Mitchell I'd play hoops with him." He winced.

"Ooh, goodie!" she exclaimed, hopping up and down, and he could easily imagine what she was thinking. Cringing, he hurried down the corridor, attempting to ignore the wolf-whistles Vala was directing at his ass.

Why did I get up this morning?