Deep in the vast Canadian Tundra, a grossly misinformed Mennonite missionary couple gave birth to the infant Randy Peters in December of 1967, and promptly died of exposure.

A passing family of polar bears adopted the young Randy and suckled him to cubhood before being slaughtered by white slavers who kidnapped the toddler and took him, via the Northwest Passage, to the Gulf of St. Lawrence where they were boarded and thoroughly swashbuckled by Joellen Housego and her mighty pirate band of harbour seals who carried young Randy back to his ancestral homeland of Southern Manitoba where he was auctioned off at a quilting bee.

Meanwhile, Jan Normand Desrosiers of McCreary, Manitoba was sitting in the town jailhouse waiting to be charged by the bewildered locals for having coated his naked body with mud, climbing the church bell-tower during an electrical storm and squawking at the sky while flapping his arms, a-squat like the Great Turkey Buzzard. An unimpressed Lutheran reached for Desrosiers catching him by the leg, raised a broom to administer punishment when lightenig stuck, thus turning the man to a pillar of ash and felt. This event plus an earlier 4-H scandal forced Jan to flee to Winnipeg where he met Randy Peters and formed the bands "Eight Knuckles and Two Bloody Hands", which disbanded in three minutes, "Turnbuckle", which lasted six minutes and fourteen seconds, Jan Smaegma & the Whipped Pickles, Randy's Peter and then "Blitzkrieg", which lasted just long enough to play a Rolling Stones cover tune glorifying homosexual cock-sucking to a crowd of redneck party-goers at the University of Manitoba who formed a lynch mob forcing the band to escape dressed as former Canadian Prime Ministers Charles Tupper and Sir Wilfred Laurier.

In the ensuing chaos they fled to all points west and east until, many years later, they were reunited at a Corpusse show in Montreal where after a celebratory drunk, they fell down and woke up in Dante's Flaming Uterus.