I have been blessed with many miracles. I owe everything I am and all that I own to support groups. The people in these groups loved me when I could not love myself. The following section highlights some of the major rewards that I have received. Everything good in my life has come from the people in the program: from their inspiration, hope, love, and prayers.
My body is healthy today. All numbers related to health are well within normal limits: weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, pulse.
I am one of the few people in the world who went for years with nothing to give up for Lent. One day at a time, I do not do mood-altering medication or alcohol. To treat my hypogyclemia, I went nearly seven years without caffeine or sugar-loaded junk food. Near the end of the seven years most of my mood swings disappeared. So, after I had blood tests and a talk with my doctor, I started to drink coffee and eat sweets. So far, a few years later, my mood is OK. To be on the safe side, I greatly changed my sugar and caffeine consumption. My sponsor directed me to drink no more than two cups of coffee each day. Almost every day, I meet his limits. My overall diet is very balanced. In the summer I eat many raw vegetables that I grow organically. A dietitian, whom I was sent to by my doctor, taught me that the absorption of sweets in a digestive tract is greatly slowed by fiber, so I usually only eat sweets as part of a meal that includes high-fiber fruits and vegetables. In former days, sweets were the whole meal.
My options were limited when I weighed three hundred pounds. At such a weight, sports were so difficult that I could not and would not participate. Today, I'm grateful for being able to enjoy biking, swimming, gardening, aerobics, judo, weight training, and Tai Chi. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to finish seven 26.2 mile marathons and to have placed third in the state in judo. Since I sobered up at an early age, I was able to do quite a lot athletically. One of the advantages of being a manic-depressive is the enormous energy available for working towards goals. Today, I will try almost any physical activity. At many activities, I outperform people half my age. My good health is a gift of the Twelve Step programs.
My last major depression was over twenty years ago, but I continue to have minor highs and lows. My highs and lows pass quickly--generally within a few hours. No longer do my moods control my life. I know I have a choice, I can stay depressed as long as I want, or I can practice the principles I have learned and get out of depression any time I choose. Being a manic-depressive who chooses not to use medication, I will probably have to battle mood swings all of my life.
Since I am a living human being I sometimes suffer with fear, anxiety, sleeplessness, and anger. Human beings get into these states because we do not always get our way. Devices in our lives break down, and people around us act like humans.
One persistent mental problem I continue to suffer from relates to perfectionism. To avoid criticism and disagreements, I try to be perfect. This causes me to worry and have trouble sleeping. I recognize the problem and have made progress, but I need to continue working on it.
My wife and I have been married for over thirty years. Such a long marriage is rare for a bipolar alcoholic. We cope with each other's faults, and we share some interests while allowing each other freedom to pursue other activities. We have had our trying times, but somehow have managed to ride out the storms. My wife would not go to Al-Anon. Perhaps, our lives might be easier if she did, but forcing someone to go to a Twelve Step program does not work.
I have enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my son who works as a geophysical engineer. We became close by working together on various jobs and by traveling across the country several times. My wife and I always supported him in all of his activities: art, basketball, football, track, skiing, and acting. We are very proud of him.
I am grateful for our two healthy grandchildren.
I feel truly bonded to many members both young and old in various fellowships, yet I do not have to seek popularity. I do not have to like everyone and not everyone must like me. I allow myself to have both acquaintances and close friends. Judo taught me to help people in the dojo and in society. I need to take care of my judo partners; otherwise I will have no one to thrown or strangle. Likewise, I need to treat people with care. I would hope that people feel better when I am in the room. The AA Big Book tells me what my attitude should be, "Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others...."
I have experienced a successful and exciting twenty-seven years in the teaching profession despite not taking the many colored pills the doctors insisted I would need. I became well qualified by earning an MA, and over one hundred college and in-service credits beyond my BS Degree. In addition to writing questions for college entrance exams, I helped write a textbook. For many years, I remained on top of all new developments in my field by attending regional, state, and national conferences, as well as participating in extra training about topics ranging from using computers to learning new methods of instruction. Towards the end of my career, I was presenting workshops at the local, regional, state, national, and international level. A bibliography of my published works runs over three pages in length. Some of the articles I wrote about my teaching methods have been translated into fourteen different languages.
Most important for me was controlling the direction of my professional development. Being interested in learning a little about a lot, I chose to teach at the secondary level instead of the college level--where one might know all about the diseases affecting fleas, but little of anything else. Even though I majored in biology, I wanted to learn all about other fields of science. Slowly over the years, I taught and became certified in other fields. Ultimately, I was teaching astronomy, which covered the entire universe. When I walk for exercise, I know about the stars, clouds, wind, rocks, dirt, as well as the many enzyme systems that allow my body to move.
Besides teaching, I entered other phases of education. I started our school's wrestling team. I continue to teach judo at the same dojo where I started my training twenty-seven years ago. I served the building and district improvement committees for my school; we analyzed all aspects of the education we were providing.
Alone with teaching in the regular classroom, I tried other forms of instruction. I taught in a college in the evenings and in a museum in the summers. One of my favorite jobs was being a nature counselor in summer camps. To educate the public, a friend and I produced a series of television programs. After the programs were aired, every place I went people knew me and asked me questions about the programs. These people included my priest, mechanic, and baker.
Sensing a need, I started a support group for students with drug/alcohol problems. For my involvement in this cause, I was honored with an employee of the year award and was made a lifetime member of the Parents, Teachers, Students Association. Several articles, including an editorial, were written in the local newspaper concerning my efforts with students.
The support group gradually evolved to include a teen center funded by churches, governmental grants, organizations, companies, and individuals. Each Saturday 10 to 35 teens gather at our center to have safe fun, playing pool and video games, listening to music, or making crafts--while eating free pizza. We also sponsor field trips to such places as the planetarium, bowling alley, and YMCA. Our overnight camping trips include geological sites, Indian Powwows, and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. At regular intervals we make attempts at drug prevention by having recovering drug addicts speak or by having counselors carry out activities. Once a person restricted to a wheel chair described how he leads a satisfying life which includes hunting, racing, skiing, and playing wheel chair basketball. We give a small scholarship award to everyone of our group who graduates from high school. Many communities in our area have tried to run such clubs, but we are one of the longest lasting. The press has described our club's activities and philosophy many times. The local community has honored me for my work with awards. My continued involvement in helping teens has given me some of the warmest feelings. I see this work as just another way following the Twelve Steps.
My higher power continues to guide my life. A newcomer to AA talked at length to me about the stock market. He was a drug addict, but he was brilliant when it came to investing. Due to his urging and continual encouragement, I slowly started to invest in the stock market. Just by chance, I invested at the perfect time. Over a period of a few years, I continued to learn as I invested more and more. When some relatives died and left me a small amount of money, I was able to place it in the right investments. The great success of my investments resulted in a retirement at the age of fifty-one. Without the instruction from that newcomer, I would have never started invested and would still be working. Making money in the stock market was the furthest thing from my mind; I just wanted to help him.
My sponsor has encouraged me to not be embarrassed by my out-of-the-ordinary hobbies such as growing flowers. He helped me to be free to be me. One of my projects exceeded my wildest dreams. It resulting in being interviewed by the New York Times, UPI, and AP. My name appeared in numerous newspapers and magazines around the world. I was on television and radio. The local newspaper wrote many articles, including an editorial about my achievement. There was even talk about a documentary to be made about my life. The program was to be broadcast across the United States. My ideas were published in journal articles, and my opinions were even printed in Newsweek. I was named to Who's Who in Science and Engineering in the World, so I am one of the top scientists in the world. The president of my college alma mater presented me with a special award for earning the highest standard in my chosen profession. Through all of this attention, I remain grateful that I did not have to pick up a drink to celebrate.
When I reminisce about all these awards, I still become tearful because I remember the years when I saw no reason to live and when I wanted to die each and every day. I also hear the promises from my first few meetings that if I worked the program all the things that I dreamed of doing while sitting on that barstool would come true. I was just one of many hopeless alcoholics who was on his way to becoming another burden on society. I showed up at meetings, my Higher Power did the rest.