Doctor Foster

Boneyparte

Bold Slasher

Old Mother Roundabout

King George

Jack Finney

Robin Hood

Longlegs

Little Funny 'Un

Father Christmas

In comes I, Old Father Christmas

To clear the way and start the play,

Step in, Boneyparte, and without delay

Boneyparte

In comes I, Boneyparte, without delay

And do tell Robin Hood He'll have to pay,

I'll have his head all on this day

Robin Hood

In comes I, bold Robin Hood,,

Who's this fellow, who makes more noise than he should?

Put up your sword and slay

By my Greenwood you'll pay

(they fight and Robin is slain)

Father Christmas

Bold Robin is slain,

Can no-one come forth and case his pain?

Alas and alack,

Is there no doctor at the back?

(Doctor Foster rides in carrying a large black bag)

Doctor Foster

In comes I, Doctor Foster

I was on my way to Gloucester.

To see Old Mother Roundabout and her little son.

Father Christmas

Doctor, Doctor, state your fee

And in gold coins I'll pay thee

Doctor Foster

4 gold coins I do require

Else I shall let this man expire

Father Christmas

Here's your fee.

Now get and cure he!

(Doctor places pill in Robin Hood's mouth. Robin Hood rises and staggers off)

Boneyparte

See one, see all, I still stand

No English man can lay me dead on the land

Bold Slasher

In comes I, the Bold Slasher.

with my sword I calls the Basher.

Put up thy sword and let us start.

I'll do for you Loud Boneyparte.

(They fight and Boneyparte is slain)

Father Christmas

Doctor, Doctor these's another to mend,

And two more coins for you to spend

Doctor Foster

Yes I'll mend and yes I'll spend

And save this fellow from this dreadful end.

(Boneyparte rises and staggers off)

Bold Slasher

I'll bash em in and bash em out

I'm off, here's Old Mother Roundabout.

Old Mother Rab

In comes I in great distress,

The Bold Slashers' made my life a mess

King George is the one to help me out

Father Christmas, is the noble King about?

King George

In comes I noble King George

To save this lady's honour with my sword.

Old Mother Rab

Noble Sir, I am undone.

Bold Slasher left me with an unmaned son.

King George

Come back, Slasher, you lowly dog

Come back in and I'll pierce your skin.

Bold Slasher

(from off)

If I come in I'll pierce your skin.

Jack Finney

In comes I, Mr Jack Finney, the pride of the nation

I'll stop Bold Slasher's boastations.

King George

Good Jack, please hold your brave hand,

I'll drive this lowly dog from our land.

Jack Finney

Noble Sir, brave Knight

Only I have the right.

King George

Very well, call him from the back.

Jack Finney

Come in, Slasher, your time is nigh

I'll have your head bye 'n' bye.

Bold Slasher

Here I am, here I stand

Now who will drive me from the land.

Jack Finney

Wait! I have no sword,

Victory for you is assured.

King George

Stand back Jack, mines straight and true

Good enough to run him through.

Bold Slasher

Stop all this talk, let's get on and fight

I haven't got all night

(They fight and Slasher is slain)

Father Christmas

I'm glad he's gone, he made a din

I think Longlegs had best walk in

Longlegs

In come I Longlegs, the friend of all

Come one, come all, be you great or small.

Little Funny 'Un

In come I little Funny 'Un

To see the doctor work his cure

And raise this craven from the floor

Doctor Foster

I would rather not the lowly dog cure

though he be with bloody gashes covered o'er

Here Slasher, Take this pill

Then leave this place, 'tis everyone's will

(Old Mother Roundabout drops to the floor)

Longlegs

Doctor, here your skill is needed

All your words will be heeded

Doctor Foster

She's got the Hump, the Grump, the terrible Tooth-ache,

Here Longlegs, fetch me some string.

Longlegs

Jack Finney, fetch the doctor some string.

Jack Finney

Fetch it yourself

Longlegs

Little Funny 'Un fetch the doctor some string.

Little Funny Un

Here's the string so let's begin

Doctor Foster

Just one pull, and all is well

Get up, good women, there's little left to tell.

Little Funny 'Un

The Doctor's right, the play is done

We hope the play gave you fun

And how our throats are dry

Some money, please, the ale to buy

Performed at Devonport Folk Club Christmas 1995

Greenman Morris Charitable Trust

70 Crummer Road

Grey Lynn

Auckland

New Zealand

For more details email us

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