BESOM BET

KING

CLOWN

MUSICIAN

DANCERS

( ENTER BESOM BET )

BESOM:

Room ! Room, brave gallants all.

I come forward in advance.

They sent me before to knock at your door,

to see if they could come and dance.

I once was a Queen, now I'm called Besom Bet.

But my title I'll never deny,

I once killed a hedge pig as big as my self.

Which made me both goose and mince-pie.

Oh, there is not a family to compare with mine,

my father he was hanged,

and my mother drowned in a well.

Isn't I a boony chick to be living by mysel ?

So your servant, gentleman.

I've nothing more to say.

Our actors are a-coming,

I'll draw them on this way.

( ENTER CLOWN )

CLOWN:

With your leave kind gentleman,

I've come to see the sport,

and likewise for to see if a Lady I can court.

But the lasses nowadays,

they are so plaguey shy,

My clothing is so fine,

they'll not come me a nigh.

My coat is made of standoff, standoff.

My trousers are made of mohair.

My stockings and shoes are made of refuse,

and my sword is "come strike if you dare."

So all lasses stand straight and stand firm.

Keep everything close and tight down.

For if anything happens in forty weeks time,

the blame will be laid on the clown !

So mind, brave lads, what I do say.

My name is True-Blue,

I come to clear the way.

My Master sent me here, some room to provide.

So therefore, Gentles all,

stand back on every side.

BESOM:

Six fine dancers we shall bring,

they're waiting to advance.

So first come in our noble King,

the foreman of our dance.

( KING IS 'CALLED ON' BY CLOWN )

CLOWN:

Now that you've seen our King,

dressed in his grand array,

he'll call his young men in,

by one, by two, by three.

King 'calls on' dancers one by one, standing on right of stage. As each dancers enters, he walks in a small circle with sword on shoulder during Kings song. The dancers form line to the right, and about two paces to the rear of the King. EACH dancer speaks his lines standing two paces in front of this position in the line, then steps back into place.

CLOWN:

Nine* finer actors ne'er stood here,

and proud of it are we.

We're from the Jewel of the Midlands,

the City of Coventry.

KING:

Now you've seen us all go round,

think of us what you may.

We will do the best we can.

Music - strike up and play.

I am a King and a conqueror,

and here I do advance.

CLOWN:

And I'm a ragged Clown

and I've come to see you dance.

KING:

Dance ! Dance !

Hast thou come to see a King dance ?

Thy impertinence doth protect thee,

I'm a King of high renown.

I'll be sorry to be offended

by such a saucy, ragged Clown !

CLOWN:

What needs thou be offended,

and make that great long face at me ?

If thou wast hanged this morning,

I'd make a better king than thee !

KING:

I am a King and conqueror,

but now I swear and vow,

I've been the death of many a man,

and I'll be the death of thou !

CLOWN:

Hark thee, my canny lad,

listen to what I say,

wasn't that thou stealing swine,

I saw the other day ?

KING:

Stealing what ?

CLOWN:

Oh ! Tending swine - was what I meant to say.

KING:

Young men, draw thy shavers.

Quit this scoundrel from my sight.

For if I stand to talk with him,

he'll prate at me all night !

King and dancers form line in order King, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, hilt and try to trap Clown who moves about, and finally hides behind Besom. Dancers form a circle round Besom, meanwhile Clown slips away.

Dancers form lock around Besom's neck and stand sideways holding swords at arms length.

Besom sinks to knees, and raises 'Head', men walk round holding lock.

BESOM:

Just now I'm gong to die,

as you may plainly see,

these sly glittering swords,

will put an end to me.

DRUM ROLLS

DANCERS DRAW LOCK

BESOM SCREAMS

EITHER:

a) Head fall and Besom drops to floor.

b) Head does not fall. King knocks it off with his sword. Besom drops.

KING:

Our Lady is now dead,

and on the ground is laid,

(to dancer 1)you'll have to suffer for this,

young man, I'm sore afraid.

DANCER 1:

Don't lay the blame on me,

I'm clear of the crime,

it's he who follows me,

which drew his sword so fine.

DANCER 2:

Nay ! I'm sure it's none of me !

I'm clear of the fact.

It's he that follows me !

That did this wicked act.

DANCER 3:

Don't lay the blame on me !

You dirty villains all.

I'm sure my eyes were shut,

when first this man did fall.

DANCER 4:

How could your eyes be shut,

when you were looking on ?

I'm sure you were with us,

when first our sword were drawn.

DANCER 5:

Since I'm the last of all,

the blame I'll have to take.

So on my bended knee,

for pardon I must seek.

Yet though I am the last,

I'll not daunted be,

our King has done this crime,

and laid the blame on me !

KING:

Now since you've told the truth,

and told it unto me.

We'll do the best we can,

to bury her privately.

So cheer up my lively lads,

and be of courage bold,

we'll take her to the churchyard,

and bury her in the mould.

CLOWN:

How can you hope to carry him,

and bury her in the ground ?

How can you do it in private,

with all these people standing round ?

KING:

Arise ! Arise young man,

(TO DANCER 6)and a pardon you shall have.

Is there a doctor in this place,

this young man's life to save ?

ALL:

A Doctor ! A Doctor !

CLOWN:

What need for a doctor ?

KING:

There's an old Queen dead.

CLOWN:

An old Queen dead ?

You must have slain her.

KING:

What makes you think that ?

CLOWN:

How can I think otherwise,

when I find so many armed men around her.

KING:

She fell upstairs and broke her neck.

CLOWN:

Well done, stupid, I've heard of falling down.

KING:

Well, down, I mean.

CLOWN:

How long has this woman been dead ?

KING:

Just half an hour, since we cut off her head !

CLOWN:

It's a long time to be dead,

and brought alive again.

KING:

Can you cure her ?

CLOWN:

I once cured my old grandmother,

who had been dead two years,

after which she lived three years'

and brought forth two children.

I can cure the love sick maid....

If she's got bow legs.

If any lass wants a lover,

bring her to me, and I'll find her one.

Now, is there any young women in this company,

who would like a little of my Ink-a-tink

white drops of life ?

KING:

What is thy fee ?

CLOWN:

Twenty one pounds ( twenty pounds ) to thee.

KING:

Far too much.

CLOWN:

Well I'll take twenty guineas ( nineteen pounds

and a hundred new pence ) from thee.

KING:

Fall to work then,

I'll see thee paid or unpaid in the morning.

CLOWN:

A bird in the hand's worth two in the bush,

I' away home..

 

KING:

Fall to work then,

and I'll see you paid out of my own pocket.

CLOWN:

( PICKING UP HEAD AND EXAMINING IT )

All the hairs of her head are split,

her necks broken and her mainsprings loose.

( SIT BODY UP, AND PEERS INTO NECK)

 

Her things are out of joint,

she's filling up with wind,

causing her bowels to be in an uproar.

( Rolls up sleeve, reaches into neck and extracts sausages etc, with suitable comments. Takes sword from Dancer 5, who stands to one side with back to the proceedings.)

Here lads, lock into her.

( Dancers form a circle, hilt and point, with Clown at No. 3 and form a lock around Besom neck. Dancers step back leaving King and Clown holding lock. Clown replaces 'head' whilst King holds lock.)

CLOWN:

Screw it on tight !

( KING AND CLOWN HOLD LOCK AND WALK ROUND SLOWLY.)

( BESOM RISES SLOWLY, PUTTING THE 'HEAD' ON AGAIN, BUT STANDS LIFELESS AND SWAYING SLIGHTLY )

CLOWN:

( STEPPING BACK )

You see our Lady is not dead,

she's only in a trance.

So wake her up, my lively lads.

And we'll have a dance.

( ALL DANCERS BREAK LOCK AND CIRCLE SLOWLY, CLASHING OVER BESOM HEAD, THEN STAND BACK HOLDING HILT AND POINT. THEY SLOWLY CIRCLE ROUND BESOM)

( BESOM PUTS HANDS TO HEAD AND 'WAKES' SLOWLY, SHAKES HEAD.)

BESOM:

Good morning. Gentlemen.

A-sleeping I have been.

I have had such a sleep,

as the like was never seen.

But now I am awake !

And alive unto this day,

so now we'll have a dance,

and the Clown must seek his pay !

BESOM AND MUSICIAN FOLLOW AND CLOWN EXITS LAST, TURNING TO BOW BEFORE LEAVING.)

General notes:

This play was collated from the following sources. J.E.F.D.S. 1928. Gainford Play. Greatham Play. The Monthly Chronicle of North Country Lore and Legend 1887, p.462. Sword Dances of Northern England. C.S. Sharp vols 1, 2 and 3.

Because the available sources are so few, no attempt has been made to ascribe separate lines to the different plays.

Calling On Song:

It was felt that many songs must originally have been written to fit individual members of the teams, and that it would not be out of step with the spirit of the tradition for us to do like wise.

For this reason, the verses are separate from the text, it being the intention that new verses shall be written as the members of the team change.

The tune chosen is "The Countess of Coventry's March" with a variation on line three of the 'B' music to aid scansion.

The intention has been that each of the elements common to the Sword Plays should be expressed in that dialogue in which it is represented at it's fullest and best.

The entertainment requirements of a modern audience have also been kept in mind, but where this is at variance with tradition, priority has been accorded to the latter.

The whole action of the Cure has been devised, based upon reversal techniques of sympathetic magic. Otherwise, editorial tampering has been kept to the absolute minimum.

R.K.S. Oct 1970