A nun gets into a cab in New York.  She demurely says in a small, high, voice, "Could you please take me to Times Square?"

The cabbie initiates conversation,"Hey sista, that's kinda a long drive?  You mind if we, like,  chat?

The nun says, "Why no my son, whatever is on your mind?"

The cabbie says, "About dis celibacy thing.  You tellin' me you never
think about doin' it?

The nun says, "Why certainly, my son, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two.  I am of weak human flesh you understand."

The cabbie says, "Well, wouldya ever consider, you know, doin' it?"

The nun says, "Well, I suppose under certain conditions, in a very unique circumstance, I might consider it.

The cabbie says, "Well what would dose conditions happen to be?"

The nun says, "Well, he'd have to be Catholic, unmarried and well, certainly, he could have no children."

The cabbie says, "Well, sista, today is your lucky day.  I am all three. Why don't youse come on up here...I won't even make you really break ya vows.  All ya gotta do is go down on me."

The nun looks around....they are awfully far away from where anyone would recognize her....at the next light she gets into the front with the driver.  By the next light, the nun is getting back into the rear of the cab, and the cabbie is smiling from ear to ear.

As she settles in, the nun hears the cabbie begin to laugh.

The nun inquires, "Why, my son, what is so humorous?"

The cabbie sneers, "Sista, I got ya.  I'm Protestant, I'm married, and I got four kids.

And from the back of the cab comes the nun's low voiced response, "Yeah, well my name's Dave and I'm on my way to a costume party."

NUNS IN HEAVEN
 

Four nuns happened to die at the same time.

Outside the pearly gates of heaven, they meet St. Peter.

St. Peter says to them "Welcome sisters."

He say's to the first one, "Before I let you in I have to know, have you
ever touched a penis before?"

The first sister says, "Yes St. Peter, I have. With my finger."

So St. Peter says, "okay, just dip your finger in the holy water and you're free to go inside."

He asks the second sister, "have you ever touched a penis before?"

She says, "yes, St. Peter, with my hand."

So St Peter says, "okay, just dip your hand in the holy water and you're free to go inside"

St. Peter asks the third nun, "have you ever touched a penis before?"

Just then, the fourth nun pushes the third nun aside and says to St. peter:

If you think I'm going to gargle with that holy water after she puts her ass in it, you've got another think coming!"

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car.  They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn.  "What shall we do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on.  That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, butb he clings on.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.  "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer.  Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn.
 She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!"


 
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