How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No-one to talk to during orgasm.

What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's cock.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A mechanic!

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14
Years of age.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
 
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

Why do Italians wear mustaches?
So they can look like their mother.

How can you tell which is the head nurse?
The one with the dirty knees.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has
the biggest tits?
The blonde, because she's 18.

How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

What's the difference between Mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girls throat at thirty miles an hour.

Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Why don't pygmies wear tampons?
They keep stepping on the strings.

How do you piss off a female archeologist??
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.

Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?
When the sergeant said "Get down!", they got up and started
dancing.