"All of Me"

Rating: PG

Type: Sam/Jack, "Missing Scene" for Solitude, Angst

Summary: She hoped that, with her return to him, she could claim even a small place in his cherished, final thoughts, as he so selfishly dominates hers.

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Disclaimer: The SG1 Team, and any ideas connected to them, do not belong to me. I am just a lowly fan. Please forgive me.

Author’s Note: Inspired by the whole episode Solitude, written to the brooding tunes of Evanescence, mainly My Immortal, which also inspired it. Fueled by the how broken hearted I felt and how broken hearted Carter looked when he said "Sara." Oh the angst. Oh how I love, love, love the angst.

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Her cheeks are burning, and through the cloud of her fading vision, she can see the gentle puffs of air escaping her mouth – her final breaths before death. Her arms wrapped desperately and awkwardly around him no longer bring warmth or comfort, as the final words he mutters seep a chill through her veins far harsher than the cold.
"Sara."
She doesn’t know Sara, doesn’t need to know her. Maybe she convinced herself that he didn’t love her anymore; that perhaps his final thoughts before the cold claims him to a peaceful slumber would not be of his ex-wife… but perhaps they could have been of her; his captain, his friend, his Carter. She hoped that, with her return to him, she could claim even a small place in his cherished, final thoughts, as he so selfishly dominates hers. But how can he not? She looks at him through her fading sight, examining his profile, trying to memorize every bit of him she had taken for granted since the first time she walked into that briefing room and looked into his eyes. He had offended her then, and perhaps it was at that moment that she took to him. The irony, in their final moments of life, he offends her again, as in the tenderness that she holds him, he gasps another woman’s name, and it makes her love him even more.
"I’m here, Jack," she whispers, not sure where the words came from. Sara’s words, perhaps. He’s hemorrhaging internally, numbed by cold and pain, completely delusional in his dying moments. He probably feels her body against his, her whispers of breath against his frost-bitten cheeks, and he truly thinks that she is Sara. That they are in bed together, wrapped in each other’s warmth, chilled only by the gentle snowfall outside. Charlie is in his own room, sleeping soundly, safe as well under the protection of his parent’s love. She doesn’t want to deny him this dream – his Heaven – in his dying moments. She can’t. She sooths his mumbles with her whispers, begging him to go to sleep… to die. Comforting him informally, letting Sara speak through her to him. But as the cold wracks her body, and her vision darkens as she feels herself drifting to sleep, and soon after to death, she can’t help letting Sam overtake Sara for that final moment, only to return the words he had told her earlier.
"It was an honour serving with you, too."
She knows her words mean so much more than they seem; laced with all the emotions and feelings and experiences of that previous year. They mean "thank you", "I’m sorry", "I love you." So much meaning in such a clichéd and formal parting. She had told him she didn’t have any regrets; now, her only regret would be if he died not knowing what those words truly meant.
The cold claims her.