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In September 1990, I enrolled as a Pupil Worker at the local Upper Lyceum. There I took Maltese, English and Religion at advanced level while I studied Accounting at private tuition. The two years I spent there were the glorious years of my life. I made loads of new friends that I really enjoyed the company of them. We shared many experiences and found new horizons of life. Unfortunately during the last few months I made a dreadful mistake. I was becoming bored with all the studies. Therefore I went in search of a job; I had enough qualifications that would render me a good job. I passed an exam as a clerk within the Civil Service. Then, I was happy for the decision but in the bottom of my heart I still had all the enthusiasm to continue on the studies.
During the last year at Upper Lyceum, I found my first love. She was a wonderful girl pursuing her studies as a French tutor. Our relationship did not last long. She adored me and had high thoughts of me but though she was a beautiful girl I could not really love her. It was a one way relationship.
Well, I kept trying to distract myself year after year and enjoying all of life. The second girl I came to know was the girl of dreams, which I always had thought of. Her name is Doreen. I spend with her the 7 most wonderful months of my life. I REALLY LOVED HER. And I still do! Well, I was mislead because she was seeking another guy. I felt my heart broken and shattered in million bits. I cursed the moment I came to know her because she will be the only one whom my heart will rest upon! Then I vowed that there would never be another girl in my life!
Well, I broke the promise I had made earlier because after some months I came to know another girl. She was wonderful, beautiful and an excellent auditor! But I had not yet overcome the loss of Doreen from my life! And I had to stop this relationship. WOW! That was my second greatest heartache! From then on I had other insignificant relationships that my heart never set upon.
I continue on and on but to no avail! There have been many girls who wanted to share their life with me but still I had my life still waiting for the only one I really loved. The greatest shock came last December 1997 when it came to my knowledge that the one whom I have always loved was married to the other guy! I lost all hope of ever getting her love again! After that turbulent period of my life I pledged that I would never settle in life and that I would always have to live on this loss.
Back in 1992 I started attending a youth center where I made other new friends and where I could alienate my thoughts on outings and living a new style of expensive living. That sounds funny, but I spent every single penny I had worked for. I also needed a break from the everyday routine and went for a vacation in Italy. There I attended a youth congress which was held in Assisi and together with some other 11 youths represented the Franciscan Youths on the Maltese islands. It was the best spiritual youth experience I have ever had.
Day after day, I continued on to search for something worth in life. I try to improve my spiritual life. Though I tried very hard it always seems (and still seem) difficult to have faith.
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